Fundraiser Tom rows 2,228 km in memory of his friend James

In January, Tom started his challenge: rowing the distance between Bury St Edmunds and Lisbon in memory of his friend, James. Finding a daily exercise routine helpful to his own mental health, Tom is rowing 5 km over 458 sessions, and expects the challenge to take him into 2025. So far, Tom has raised over £4,000 for Shout.

I lost James to suicide in the summer of 2022. After 25 years of close friendship, his death and its circumstances deeply affected my own mental health. I reached a point where I felt that both my mental and physical health were at their worst ever. I felt pushed into a corner, struggling to come to terms with the impact it had on me.

In an effort to help my own physical and mental health, raise money for Shout and mark the memory of my friend, I designed THE ROW to drive long term physical accountability. It was a way to build a consistent routine that helped my mind and body.

I’m rowing 5 km 6 days a week for 18 and a half months to complete the distance of 2,228.8 km. James and I grew up together in Bury St. Edmunds and he spent his last days in Lisbon so the route feels fitting - symbolic of his life and my journey through grief.

What motivated you to fundraise for Shout?

I first became aware of Shout through the football team I support. Shout is the official mental health partner of Cambridge United. I loved the idea of the service. The accessible and practical support provided by Shout, alongside the work they do for young people, really spoke to me.

Has the challenge been beneficial to your own mental health?

The challenge has been hugely beneficial to my own personal health. The positives of physical exercise for your mental health is something I was aware of through playing sports in my younger years.

I wanted to create a daily routine for the benefit of my mental health, and it was important that physical exercise forms part of that. It puts me in the right frame of mind for the rest of the day, providing the ‘slogan’ I have for THE ROW to ‘Win the Day’.

I’ve also found that the time on the rowing machine has helped me be reflective and to help think things through. This is also an important part of my mental health and grief journey. Carving out space in my day to have time to do so has been essential – and with the plan of the challenge, I’ll have plenty of time on the rowing machine yet to come!

What are your highlights so far?

I’ve had so many highlights on the journey so far. It isn’t an easy challenge, but I’ve found it important to take stock in the good moments as they happen, as they balance out the harder parts.

First and foremost, I’ve found the creative outlet of documenting THE ROW, alongside the physical completion of the sessions, invaluable. This has been just as important to my mental health as the other benefits previously mentioned.

An old school friend, Amy, got in touch with me soon after starting THE ROW. She works in PR, and offered to help. Her work helped me get a piece on Anglia News (look, I made it on TV mum!), and BBC Radio Cambridgeshire. I really enjoyed sharing the challenge with a wider audience.

I’ve also rowed on water for the first time as part of the challenge, alongside James’ brother, Andy. The difference between a rowing machine and rowing on water was a bit of a shock, albeit a very enjoyable one. Sitting on the water on a crisp summer’s day is arguably the most memorable snapshot of the challenge so far.

The biggest highlight for me has quite simply been one I didn’t expect: the people. I’ve lost count of the amount of people that have got in touch with me as part of this journey.

People have started supporting the challenge by doing their own 5 kms ‘support rows’. I’ve found it really touching. Often, the image of their rowing machine showing their time is accompanied with a message of how they’ve reflected during their row. For those that knew James, they have found that they have revisited memories with him during that time, truly remembering him as part of this. I love that.

I have two main pieces of advice for anyone fundraising for Shout:

1. Say ‘yes’ to everything
   Early on, I decided to say ‘yes’ to everything as part of the challenge. I see it as a journey that’s already taken me to many places, and no doubt will take me to many more. It’s opened so many new doors. I see it as an enriching experience. Live the fundraising and challenge and you’ll have new experiences and connect with new people.
2. Talk to everyone you know to see how they can help
   I’ve learnt that most people want to donate to charity and to help you. The success I’ve had with THE ROW so far has largely been down to the help of others and through collaborations. Don’t be afraid to talk to others and engage – you never know what may come of it.

I think any engagement with others is beneficial, whatever the scale. I’m currently going through the process for match donation at my work. I've had posters and donation buckets at a beer festival at my local pub and I have an online store selling tshirts and mugs. I’m constantly trying to think of new ways to spread the message.

What’s next for you?

My plan for the rest of the challenge is a lot more rowing! I still have a year left until the forecast completion date in July 2025. I’ll continue my documentation through Instagram, YouTube and my blog.

I’m hoping to finish THE ROW in Lisbon and for James’ brother, Andy, and I to complete the last session together. I see it as the perfect way to conclude the challenge. I need to put some more hours on the water before we get there, but I look forward to having a finale on the water.

If you’d like to support Tom’s challenge, you can donate to his fundraising page here.